“Is not life more?”
The inspiration for this site started several years ago when those four simple, yet power-packed words leaped off the page of my Bible during one of those late night readings. In the days to come, those four words kept coming back to me like a playlist set on repeat. Perhaps a year later I would understand why…
On December 17, 2017, at the age of 65, my amazing mom lost a difficult battle with an autoimmune disease called scleroderma with pulmonary hypertension. It’s a debilitating disease for which there is no cure. Some scleroderma patients can manage the illness with the assistance of some very strong medication. Well, my mom was one of the 200 out of 1 million who suffered from the rarest form. When my mom went into the hospital one day for what we all thought was just a bad case of pneumonia, it never came close to crossing my mind that a little over six weeks later she would be gone.
I was 30 years old as I stood in the favorite room of our family home, a room that once was filled with laugher and joy, and watched helplessly with tears flooding down my cheeks as my mom took her last breath on this earth. A terrifying emptiness swept over me as my heart ached and I was facing one of those moments where all I could think of is life just isn’t fair! My mom was my closest friend here on this earth and I was expecting to have her for many years to come. She was the one I could talk to about anything, and I was nowhere close to finished learning from her. For reasons I could not comprehend, God saw fit to take her “Home” well before I thought she should go.
My mom’s passing triggered a whirlwind of different emotions inside of me – confusion, fear, insecurity, excruciating pain, bitterness, anger, irritability, apathy toward life, and at the top of the list a whole lot of anxiety. I’m so ashamed to say that on several occasions I even said aloud: “I hate my life.” I was in a very dark place mentally and emotionally, and the more the anxiety crept in, the harder I fought to try to gain control of whatever I could in my life. I threw myself full force into my job and burned any energy I had left trying to fill my mom’s big shoes for all those she had left behind. You see I wanted to keep things as “normal” as possible for the people I loved.
Those in my life who cared about me invited me out more and more to smother me with love and support. I tried to say “yes” to as much as possible to keep everyone happy and to convince them that I was okay. I tried to make things as perfect as possible for those around me, so I wouldn’t let anyone down. Yet trying to fill the emptiness only caused me to feel over-busy, overwhelmed, and exhausted.
And then in this seemingly endless cycle of emotions, Jesus kept reminding me… “Is not life more?”
Those four words are those that Jesus used in Matthew 6:25 to draw our attention to the unhealthy effects of anxiety in this life. Sis, let me tell you, anxiety attacks hard, and if we allow it access to our brain, it will slowly cripple us from the inside out. It serves as a distraction to living life to the fullest. It gets us absolutely nowhere, and it steals every ounce of our joy. It blinds us from the purpose Jesus has for us. And, if we let it, it will ultimately ruin our lives.
But God! He offers hope and a peace that surpasses all understanding. If we keep reading further in Matthew 6, we realize the “more” to which Jesus is referring. The passage goes on to say that we should not be anxious at all about tomorrow, because tomorrow will take care of itself. Jesus is already in our tomorrow, and He knows everything we need. Not only that…He IS everything we need! He is the “more” that can fill any emptiness in this life. He gives us purpose beyond the anxiety and pain of this world.
My mom was one of those people who I rarely ever heard complain. Even when she was in the hospital facing her darkest moments, she kept her eyes on Jesus and on others. And that’s exactly how she lived her life. She looked beyond the pain of the world and saw a greater purpose. She looked for the positive in everyday life. She found joy in the small things, and she seized every present moment. She was one of those people who LIVED LIFE AS MORE.
And when I cherish the sweet memory of my mom, I realize that she would only want me to live my life in exactly the same way. There is a freedom I am discovering more and more every day in Jesus Christ. I love the passage of Scripture from John 8:32 that says, “And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free!” You see, Sis, when we empty ourselves and become filled with the truth of Jesus, that’s when life finally begins. When we realize that there is a greater purpose to this life that is above the everyday chaos, it frees us to embrace the journey with a greater joy.
Everyone has a story, and this is just a piece of mine. I have walked through heartache, fear, and brokenness, but I have also walked through healing, joy, and renewed hope. God has given me a life worth living and a beautiful purpose. He has turned my mess into a message and I no longer have to wish for more. I am His beautiful daughter, and for me, that is enough!
Anna
